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Can a Child Pick a Parent? Understanding Ontario Family Law

This is general information and should not be interpreted as legal advice. Contact a family law lawyer to understand your rights and obligations.

One of the most common and emotionally charged questions parents ask during separation or divorce is whether their child can choose which parent to live with. In Ontario family law, the short answer is no. A child does not have the legal right to decide custody or parenting arrangements. However, a child’s views and preferences can still play an important role in the court’s decision-making process.

The Governing Principle: Best Interests of the Child

In Ontario, decisions about parenting time and decision-making responsibility are governed by the best interests of the child. This principle is set out in the Children’s Law Reform Act and the Divorce Act. Courts do not ask what the parents want, or even what the child wants in isolation. Instead, they assess what arrangement will best support the child’s overall well-being.

When determining a child’s best interests, the court considers several factors, including:

• The child’s emotional, physical, and psychological needs

• The strength of the child’s relationship with each parent

• Each parent’s ability and willingness to meet the child’s needs

• The child’s history of care

• Stability and consistency in the child’s life

• Any family violence or safety concerns

  
  

Is There a Certain Age When a Child Can Choose?

Unlike some jurisdictions, Ontario does not have a specific age at which a child can choose which parent to live with. There is no “magic age” where a child’s preference automatically determines the outcome.

That said, as children get older and more mature, courts tend to give their views more weight. A teenager’s clearly expressed and well-reasoned preference may carry significant influence, while a younger child’s preference may be considered but given less weight, especially if it appears to be influenced by a parent or based on short-term desires.

How Are a Child’s Views Heard?

Ontario courts are careful about how a child’s views are obtained, to avoid putting children in the middle of parental conflict. Common methods include:

• Office of the Children’s Lawyer (OCL): The court may involve the OCL to conduct an investigation or provide legal representation for the child.

• Voice of the Child Reports: These are focused reports that summarize a child’s views and preferences without making custody recommendations.

• Professional Assessments: In some cases, parenting or custody assessments may be ordered.

  
  

Children are rarely required to testify in court, as this is generally seen as harmful to their emotional well-being.

Why Courts Are Cautious About Letting Children “Choose”

Courts recognize that asking a child to choose between parents can place an unfair emotional burden on them. Children may feel guilt, loyalty conflicts, or pressure to please one parent. They may also lack the maturity to understand the long-term consequences of their preference. For these reasons, Ontario courts focus on listening to children in a developmentally appropriate way, rather than allowing them to make the final decision.

What This Means for Parents

If your child is expressing a preference, it is important to take it seriously, but also responsibly. Pressuring a child to “choose sides” or attempting to influence their views can harm your case and, more importantly, your child’s well-being.

Parents are encouraged to focus on cooperation, stability, and minimizing conflict. Courts consistently look more favorably on parents who support the child’s relationship with the other parent and prioritize the child’s needs over their own disputes.

Get Legal Guidance Early

Every family situation is unique, and the role a child’s views play will depend on the specific facts of your case. At Majoka Law, we help parents navigate Ontario family law with clarity, compassion, and a focus on practical solutions that protect children’s best interests.

If you have questions about parenting arrangements or how your child’s views may be considered, speaking with an experienced family lawyer can help you make informed decisions and avoid costly mistakes.